People fall into the trap of being people pleasers because they think they will gain the approval of others and as long as they get the approval of others they feel good about themselves. The desire to be liked, accepted and approved of is at the forefront of this need to please others. This dependency becomes like a drug leaving the individual with a need for a fix every time to feel better about themselves. People pleasing stems from the desire to be accepted by others and in most cases may have started from childhood.
So how can a person stop being a people pleaser?
Step #1 - You have all you need within you
When you fully understand that you have all you need inside you and you are fully equipped with all you need to complete your journey here on planet earth, then you can come to a place of rest knowing that you are whole. Let your mind come to this full understanding and begin to look inward for what you desire instead of outward to others for what you already possess. For in looking outward, you are giving away your power to others to decide whether or not you’ll be happy, loved, accepted or whatever other desire you have. Looking within builds confidence in who you are.
Step #2 – Look to the love within
Now you know where your attention should be and that you have power within, look for the love that lies within you and connect with it. Allow yourself to feel loved. Bask in the rays of the warm of love and let it embrace and satisfy you. For it is in this disconnection from love within that we seek to fill the void from an outside source and many times end up being disappointed because someone did not give us all that we desired.
Step #3 – Accept you
Begin to accept you for who you are. This does not mean that if you are lacking in certain areas of your life that you should not work on becoming better in those areas. It means that you should accept you as a perfect being. Your essence is perfect and those areas that need working on are also part of the process of perfection. Turn your attention inward to yourself and accept you and believe in yourself.
Step #4 – Approve of you
Be pleased with yourself. Even though you may not do everything in a state of perfection, you can still pat yourself on the back in approval. Find the positive in your life and begin to praise yourself, encourage yourself along. Why wait for someone else to do it when you can be your own cheering squad?
Step #5 – Let love guide you
What you do for others, you do out of love and not the motive to be approved by others. Let it come out of a heart of love. This may also include saying, “No,” which may be tough at first. But when you check with your heart and what is being asked of you does not resonant with you – does not sit right within you – then denying another’s request is the only option in order that you do not violate your own heart.
Step #6 – Find your place of peace within
When you look within, identify and connect to the place of peace within your heart, you’ll find that you begin to feel more content with life. The more you allow this peace to flow into you, the stronger and more confident you’ll become and the less you’ll crave after the approval of others. Do this as a regular part of your lifestyle because you are no longer searching outside yourself but you are drawing energy from the Universal supply that fills you up within.
Step #7 – Practice Mental Shifting
Changing any habit requires practice and a conscious reminder at first that you must shift your mind from the old way of thinking - from outward to inward – until it becomes a habitual way of life. Whenever you find yourself doing things to please others, stop. Ask yourself, “What’s your motive – is it out of love or for gaining approval?” Repetition is the key.
What methods do you use to avoid being a people pleaser?